Nick Vetter, LMFT

Counseling, Therapy, and Life Coaching

 

9659 Balboa Blvd, Northridge, CA 91325

 

Call or text (818) 835 - 0779logo family

 

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

 

$75 per 50 min session

Insurances accepted include: Blue Shield/Magellan, CIGNA, OPTUM/UHC/UBH/Oscar, HMC/UMC, Mutual of Omaha -EAP

 

Nick Vetter Counseling, Therapy, and life Coaching
9659 Balboa Blvd.
Northridge, , CA 91324
United States

ph: 818-835-0779

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Publications / Articles


How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up in households that were unsafe and unstable, and where there was a constant invasion of personal boundaries.


If you can relate, chances are you have a hard time creating healthy boundaries to create the life experience you wish to have. Here are some ways you can begin to do so:


Identify Your Limits


You can’t set boundaries unless you discover where it is you personally stand. You’ll need to take a bit of time to recognize what you can and cannot tolerate. What makes you happy and what makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed? Only until you have made these discoveries can you move on to the next steps.


Don’t Be Shy


People who have similar communication styles are easy to engage with. These people will quickly understand what your new barriers are. But people who have a different cultural background or personality may not easily understand your boundaries. With these people, it’s important to be very clear and direct.


Pay Attention to Your Feelings


People who have a hard time setting boundaries don’t often allow themselves to acknowledge their own feelings because they’re usually too busy worrying about everyone else’s.


You’ll need to start recognizing how people make you feel in order to know whether your new boundaries are being crossed or not. When you’re with someone, make mental notes, or even jot down in a journal how that interaction made you feel.


If, after spending time with someone, you feel anger or resentment, this is a sign that the person may be overstepping your boundaries. Reiterate to this person what your boundaries are. If they continue to disrespect you and them, you will want to cut yourself away from further interactions.


Make Self-Care a Priority


Put yourself and your needs first. This may feel strange and even somehow wrong if you’ve spent your entire life taking care of others. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings and get what you need to feel happy and well.


Speak with Someone


If you’ve spent an entire life with a sense of low self-worth, you may find setting boundaries quite difficult. In this case, it’s important to speak with a therapist that can help you discover where these feelings are coming from and how to change your thought patterns and behavior.


If you’d like to explore therapy, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to help you on your journey toward self-care.





The Best Medicine is a Treadmill: How Daily Exercise Can Treat Depression

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 9% of American adults live with depression. It’s also worth mentioning that a major depressive episode is the leading cause of disability for Americans between the ages of 15 and 44.

Antidepressants are commonly prescribed to treat people with moderate or severe depression. And while these drugs do offer some relief, they often come with some pretty nasty side effects such as:

headaches

nausea

trouble sleeping

dizziness

diarrhea

weakness and fatigue

anxiety

stomach upset

dry mouth

sexual problems such as low sex drive, erectile dysfunction, or ejaculation problems

trouble urinating

fast heart rate

sweating

memory problems

fatigue

weight gain

That’s quite a list.

The obvious problem is these side effects can make someone who is depressed feel even worse. But there is some good news.

Exercise Helps Beat Depression NaturallyStudies on exercise and depression are conclusive: Not only does exercise treat depression, it can also prevent it. In fact, researchers from Duke University found exercise to be as effective as medicine.

Exercise not only increases blood flow to the brain, it also releases endorphins, which are the body’s own natural antidepressants. Exercise also releases other neurotransmitters, like serotonin, which lift mood.
The really good news is, it only takes moderate exercise three times a week to reap the antidepressant benefits. You don’t have to train for a marathon or a triathlon to feel better.

Here are a few exercise ideas to get you started:
Walk Your DogTake your dog(s) for a half hour walk around the neighborhood. Not only will your body release endorphins but your dog’s health will also benefit from routine exercise.

Go for a Bike RideFamily bike rides are a great way to bond and get a good workout at the same time. If the weather doesn’t permit outdoor biking, a stationary bike is a good investment.

SwimSwimming is one of the absolute best total body exercises. As a bonus, the steady movements through water also has a naturally calming effect.

Walk at LunchGrab a few friends and/or colleagues on your lunch break and go for a half hour walk.

Exercise doesn’t have to be hard or complicated. Whatever form you like, commit to doing that at least three times a week and see if you don’t start to feel better.
You may also want to speak with a therapist, who can help you navigate your emotions and offer tools for coping.

If you’d like to explore talk therapy, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.



Diagnosing Autism Spectrum Disorder in Children and Adolescents 

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a developmental disorder that results in repetitive behaviors, social interaction and communication challenges, as well as challenges with sensory processing. The word “spectrum” is aptly used to reflect that symptoms can vary greatly, from mild to severe, across different individuals.

In a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 1 in 59 U.S. children were identified as having ASD. The earlier the disorder is diagnosed, the sooner a child can be helped through treatment interventions.

ASD Symptoms

The symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder include:

  • Trouble with basic human communication. This can include a lack of responsiveness during social interactions, abnormal use of gestures, eye contact or facial expressions and a difficulty understanding relationships.
  • Repetitive behaviors and interests that can include specific movements or spoken phrases, a need for routine, intense interest in specific objects or topics, and either low or high levels of sensitivity to sensory environment (sights, sounds, smells).
  • Symptoms present early in childhood and cause “clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.”

Diagnosing ASD

As stated earlier, it’s important that ASD be diagnosed as early as possible to reduce the symptoms of autism and improve the child’s quality of life. There is no medical test for autism. Instead, diagnosis is based on observing the child. Trained professionals are usually able to diagnose autism by speaking with the child and asking questions of parents and other caregivers.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children be screened for developmental disorders before the age of three. Under federal law, any child that is suspected of having a developmental disorder is able to get a free evaluation.

Here are some possible red flags for autism spectrum disorder that the Centers for Disease Control has identified:

  • Not reacting to his or her name by the age of 12 months.
  • Not acknowledging objects to show interest by 14 months.
  • Not playing “pretend” games by 18 months.
  • Isolating themselves and not making direct eye contact.
  • Getting upset by minor changes to routine.
  • Repetitive motions such as spinning in circles, rocking their body or flapping their hands.

If your infant or toddler has shown any of these symptoms and you have concerns about their development, it’s important that you bring them to your family physician for evaluation. If you are not satisfied with what the pediatrician is telling you in response to what you are observing in your child's behavior, you may want to get a 2nd opinion free of charge from the local Regional Center a state and federal agency that specializes in developmental disorders. They have a mandate to help your child with an army of specialists who are ready to work with your child. Their belief is that if they start working with your child while still an infant, then your child will have a better chance of being caught up in their cognitive and motor skills by the time they reach pre-school, kindergarten or elementary school. While there is no cure for Autism Spectrum Disorder, there are different styles of behavioral therapy that can lesson symptoms and improve the child and their family’s quality of life.


SOURCES:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/autism-spectrum-disorder

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/autism/what-is-autism-spectrum-disorder

https://psychcentral.com/autism/

 

 

 

 

 



4 Essential Relationship Elements of a Lasting Love

When we’re young, we’re taught how to share and play well with others. Somehow as adults, these early lessons don’t always translate into building and maintaining loving relationships.

But, it’s never too late to learn new life skills, and creating healthy relationships is one of the best skills you can have. The following are the essential relationship elements of a lasting love. If you can master these, you will set yourself up to experience a wonderful relationship for the rest of your life.

Create Trust and Mutual Respect

Even the most loving of relationships is going to be put to the test every once in a while. All couples experience ups and downs and the stress of every day life. The key is to not take that out on each other.

Create a safe environment in your relationship where each of you can speak honestly and freely. Never interrupt or yell or belittle the other person. Should things get too heated, step back, and wait until things cool off.

Don’t Judge

“For better or for worse.” If you’re married, those are the words you agreed to. If you’re not married, you still made a choice to partner with another human being who has flaws and quirks just like you.

It’s important to accept your partner and not judge them too harshly. This doesn’t mean you have to like everything they do, and it doesn’t mean you can’t remind them every once in awhile that they need to scoop the cat litter as well.

But it does mean that you should try and be as compassionate as possible. Compassion is the opposite of judgement and it allows you to be open and fully connect with the ones you love.

Make Time for Each Other

It’s far too easy to get busy and neglect the relationship. Many couples get to the point where they become more like roommates than a romantic couple. Don’t allow this to happen. Be sure to make time each week to check in with each other and reconnect.

Be Responsible for Your Feelings

No one can “fix us” or make us all better. We must heal ourselves from old wounds and scars (and we all have those!). Our partners should be there to support us in becoming whole, but ultimately it is our responsibility to heal, not theirs.

These guidelines can help you and your love stay a positive force in each other’s lives. But let’s face it, sometimes life can come at us and before we know it, the relationship is on the rocks. At times like these, it can be very helpful to speak with a couple’s therapist who can guide you through the rough patch and get you reconnected.

If you and your partner would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

 

 

Stress Management

 

Everyone encounters stress during their lives at one point—never-ending bills, demanding schedules, work, and family responsibilities—and that can make stress seem inescapable and uncontrollable. Stress management skills are designed to help a person take control of their lifestyle, thoughts, and emotions and teach them healthy ways to cope with their problems.

 

Find the Cause

 

The first step in stress management is identifying your stressors. While this sounds fairly easy—it’s not hard to point to major changes or a lot of work piling up—chronic stress can be complicated, and most people don’t realize how their habits contribute to their stress. Maybe work piling up isn’t from the actual demands of your job, but more so from your procrastination. You have to claim responsibility for the role you play in creating your stress or you won’t be able to control it.

 

Strategies for Stress Management

 

Once you’ve found what causes your stress, focus on what you can control. Eliminate the realistic stressors and develop consistent de-stressing habits. Instead of watching TV or responding to texts in bed after work - take a walk, or read a book. Maintaining a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough quality sleep, will ease feelings of stress and help you relax.

 

Also, make a conscious effort to set aside time for yourself and for relaxation. Alone time can be whatever you need it to be. Some people like doing activities such as tai chi, yoga, or meditation, but you can also treat yourself to something simple, like taking a bubble bath, listening to music, or watching a funny movie. Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash

 

Can Long-Term Isolation Lead to an Addiction?

We are living through some of the most stressful times in recent history. With the global pandemic raging on, many of us are still worried about our own health and the health of our loved ones, especially our older friends and family members.

Many of us have also been hit with financial burdens. Some have lost jobs and others have had to close their businesses. How will the mortgage and bills get paid?

To make an already bad situation worse, a lot of us are still experiencing lockdown and quarantine. Many are working from home for the first time and still, others are unable to travel and be with loved ones.

This has left a majority of people feeling alone and isolated when they are already feeling they are most vulnerable.

The Link between Isolation and Drug Use

During stressful circumstances, it is a natural tendency for people to turn to drugs and alcohol as a way of coping. A study reported in the American Journal of Epidemiology found there was a 25% increase in alcohol consumption in the weeks following 9/11.

The stress and isolation of the current pandemic are putting those people who are prone to addiction at great risk. Virtual cocktail hours are now officially a thing. But how many of those cocktail hours end when the computer is shut off?

Human beings are social creatures. When you take our ability to be social away, it can lead to depression and anxiety. Even people who have no history of addiction are at risk of developing a drinking or drug problem during the pandemic as a way of coping with social isolation.

When coping with stress, it can be hard to self-monitor our behaviors, but it is incredibly important for our overall health and well-being. If you suspect you have been drinking or using any drug more than you should at this time, it’s important to be honest about that.

Ask yourself a few questions:

  • Has cocktail hour started earlier or gone later than usual lately?

  • Does the bottle of wine that used to last 3 days barely last one night?

  • Do you ever feel like you SHOULD cut down on your drinking or other drug use?

  • Have you noticed you’re thinking about drinking or using drugs more and more?

  • Have loved ones commented on the amount you’ve been drinking?

It’s important that you are honest with yourself at this time. And if you answered yes to one or more of these questions, it’s important that you get some help.

Many treatment centers remain open during this time. You may also want to think about speaking with a mental health counselor. If in-person sessions are not available, find a provider who offers telehealth solutions. This means you can receive treatment online.

Times are tough for everyone right now. You are not alone. If you are turning to drugs and alcohol to deal with the stress and isolation, please get the help you need.

 

SOURCES:

  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-recovery/202004/impacts-social-isolation-and-stress-problem-drinking

  • https://oceanbreezerecovery.org/treatment/loneliness-and-drugs/

  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neuro-behavioral-betterment/202004/teletherapy-can-help-when-social-distancing-prevails

 

 

 

Depression and Anxiety

 

Depression commonly manifests physically, through stomach pains, headaches, disrupted or excessive sleep, and motor control difficulty. While the causes of depression are unknown, a predisposition for it runs in families and it can be triggered by trauma and adverse life circumstances. Depression is diagnosed more frequently in women and tends to display differently in women than in men.

People tend to suffer higher rates of depression after giving birth and in late fall. Depression and anxiety often exacerbate each other and people with depression commonly have difficulty concentrating on tasks and conversations. Some people abuse alcohol and drugs or overeat as a way of coping, causing them to develop other medical problems. Depressed people are also at increased risk for self-harm.

Depression is a mental illness which is characterized by prolonged emotional symptoms including:

●      Apathy

●      Sadness

●      Guilt

●      Exhaustion

●      Irritability

Diagnosing depression involves a psychiatric evaluation and physical tests to determine whether a person’s symptoms are actually being caused by a different disorder. A person must have been experiencing symptoms for at least two weeks to be diagnosed with depression. Every case is unique and requires individual attention, but there are a number of effective complementary ways of treating depression, including:

●      Talk therapy

●      Medication

 

 Photo by Tom Pumford on Unsplash

dating

 

5 Tips for Safely Navigating the Non-Exclusive' Dating World

 

Being out in the dating world can be an exciting experience. There are moments of fun and laughter, as well as awkwardness and disappointment. All the while, you anticipate finding chemistry and a connection with someone. If you're dating and looking just for fun and friendships, you're going to be meeting lots of people. Keep your dating adventures as safe as they are varied by following these five tips for safely navigating the non-exclusive dating scene.

 

1. Separate Phone and EmailIt's not a good policy to give your cell phone number out right away. Get a Google voice number instead, so you don't have to share your real phone number. It also helps to have a separate email that's just for dating. When you create a new email address, make sure to keep your name out of it.

 

2. Safeguard Your Social MediaA quick search of your number, email and sometimes even just your name and general location can lead someone directly to your social media. Check your privacy settings and lock down all of your social media from prying eyes. If your casual relationship goes south, the last thing you want is someone you don't want to hear from having easy access to you.

 

3. Maintain Your PrivacyDon't share your last name with anyone until you've built trust. Even if your name is common, someone can search for you on the internet and find you simply by knowing a few details about you. You should also never let someone pick you up where you live.

 

4. Have A Friend Check InMake sure to tell someone whenyou're going out to meet someone new. Ask a friend to call or text to check up on you and make sure everything is okay. This can also be a great way to duck out if your date isn't going so well.

 

5. Go Somewhere DifferentWhen you're setting up your date, make sure you meet in a public place. Arrive separately so you don't have to rely on anyone for a ride. Not only is it more safe, but you can leave whenever you want. When you're choosing a locale for your date, don't take them to your favorite hangouts; instead, take them somewhere different. Not only will it be more fun to check out new spots, but you're less likely to run into them if you've broken things off.

 

Are you searching for a relationship and need help navigating the single life? A qualified mental health professional can help. Call me today and let's set up a time to talk.

 

 

 

Fighting Loneliness During Quarantine

Not many of us have ever experienced the kind of isolation that this COVID-19 pandemic has brought about. While quarantine for some has been a welcomed break from the hustle and bustle of life and a chance to spend more quality time with the family, for others it has been an incredibly lonely experience away from coworkers, friends, and those they love and need most.

In addition, and to make matters worse, loneliness can make managing stress more difficult. And let’s be honest, we are all surrounded by stress these days from worrying about when the world will open up again, when we can start working and earning a living and when life will get back to normal.

Fighting Loneliness in Healthy Ways

Sadly, during times like these, many people turn to alcohol and other substances as a way to cope with stress and loneliness. But there are healthier ways you can fight it.

Plan to Stay Connected

During this time it’s important to create a plan to safely stay in regular contact with family and friends. If you are an older person, be sure to confirm who you can reach out to if you need help getting food, medications, and other supplies.

Leverage Technology

While many of us still cannot be in the same space as our loved ones, we are very lucky we live in a time when phones and digital technology can help us all stay connected. Be sure to schedule regular phone calls and online video chats using apps like Skype or FaceTime.

Get in Touch with Old Friends

Most of us, at some point in our life, lose touch with friends and acquaintances we once shared our lives with. Now is the perfect time to reconnect. And social media makes it very easy to find someone you may have lost contact with years ago.

Seek Help

During this pandemic, many counselors and therapists are helping clients via telehealth services. This means instead of going into a therapist’s office, you can speak to them on the phone or over a video conference. A therapist can help you navigate this forced isolation and offer coping strategies to get you through.

If you or someone you love is having a difficult time dealing with loneliness right now, please reach out to me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

 

SOURCES:

  • https://psychcentral.com/blog/heres-what-loneliness-can-do-to-you-during-covid-19/

  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/empowered-relief/202003/the-covid-19-wellness-and-coping-toolkit

  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-resilience/202004/how-help-older-adults-fight-loneliness-during-covid-19

  • https://www.aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-2020/coronavirus-social-isolation-loneliness.html

 

 

 

How to Practice Self-Compassion

Most of us from a young age are taught how to be kind, considerate and compassionate toward others. But rarely are we told to show the same consideration to ourselves. This becomes even more true for individuals brought up in abusive or unloving homes.

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is taken from Buddhist psychology and refers to how we can relate to the self with kindness. Self-compassion or self-love is NOT to be confused with arrogance or selfishness. In actuality, arrogance and selfishness stem from the absence of self-love.

But what does it really mean to be kind with ourselves? It means that on a day-to-day basis we are mindful of being courteous, supportive and compassionate with ourselves. Too many individuals treat themselves with harsh judgement instead of compassion.

Why is this important? Because self-compassion helps us recognize our unconditional worth and value. It allows us to recognize though we my sometimes make bad decisions, we’re not bad people.

Research, over the past decade, has shown the parallel between self care and psychological wellbeing. Those who recognize self-compassion also tend to have better connections with others, are reportedly happier with their own lives, and have a higher satisfaction with life overall. Self-compassion also correlates with less shame, anxiety and depression.

Now that you know the what and why of self-compassion, let’s look at the how.

How to Practice Self-Compassion

Treat Yourself as You Would a Small Child

You would never harshly judge or belittle a small child the way you do yourself. You would only want to help and love that child. When you begin to treat yourself as you would a small child, you begin to show yourself the same love, gentleness and kindness.

Practice Mindfulness

Every minute your mind is handling millions of bits of information, though you consciously are only aware of a few of them. This is to say we all have scripts or programs running in our minds 24/7. These scripts and programs are running our lives, insisting we have certain behaviors and make certain decisions.

Some of these scripts are the ones that tell us how “bad” or “unlovable” we are. They’ve been running since we were kids. The way to quiet these scripts is to become more mindful of your own mind.

When you begin to have a feeling or reaction to something, stop and ask yourself WHO is feeling that? Is it the compassionate self or the program running? If it’s the program, thank the program for what it has done and release it.

Good Will vs Good Feelings

Self-compassion is a conscious act of kindness we show ourselves; it’s not a way to alleviate emotional pain. Life happens, and we can’t always avoid negative or sad feelings. Never mistake self-compassion as a tool to ignore your deep and rich emotional life.

These are just a few ways you can begin to cultivate self-compassion. If you’d like to explore more options or talk to someone about your feelings of self-rejection and judgement, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how cognitive therapy may help.

 

Tips to Manage Anger Around Your Family During the Holidays

For many of us, spending time with family can be a grab bag of emotions. While you may feel love and familiarity, there’s also decades-long dynamics between you and your family members that may not be the most healthy. Your family might treat you like the teenager they remember, and you might revert to that role when you’re around your family without even realizing it.

There could be many things that make spending time with family a challenge. Old family conflicts, harbored resentments, and spoken or unspoken disagreements can make you dread seeing them again. If you have trouble managing your anger when you’re around your family, read on for some tips on how to keep your cool.

Define How You Experience Anger

People experience anger differently. Some might get more aggressive, some might withdraw, and some internalize the anger. By being aware of how you experience anger, you can better recognize when that emotion is starting to develop inside you so you can take control of how you respond.

Rehearse Responses

It’s very common for family to ask intrusive or inappropriate questions. You might have a busybody aunt who always asks about your relationships, or maybe your sister is constantly bugging you about starting a family. Come prepared with rehearsed responses so you won’t be caught off guard.

Set Boundaries

It’s important to set boundaries with family. If a family member is aggressive or rude to you, or is always making you the butt of their jokes, your silence acts as approval of their behavior. Because you don’t protest, they think what they’re saying or doing is fine with you. Furthermore, pretending their bad behavior is acceptable only gives them more room to continue the bad behavior, or to get worse. Set boundaries with family and let them know when things they’re saying or doing is not okay with you.

Cut the Visit Short

Sometimes the best option to keep the family peace (and your sanity) is to spend less time. If your family tends to have snacks or drinks before dinner, show up just in time to join the family for dinner at the table. You can also opt to skip dessert or coffee and leave a bit early.

Family relationships are complex and deep-rooted, and family are often the ones who know best how to push your buttons. While managing your anger can be challenging, learning to maintain control over your emotions is a healthy act of self-love. It will not only keep you sane, but it will keep your family relationships unharmed and intact.

If you’re having difficulty navigating complicated family relationships, a licensed therapist can help. Give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.

 

Copyright 2014 Vetter Marriage, Family, and Individual Counseling / Therapy. All rights reserved.

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Marriage and Family Therapy Individuals, Couples and Families Providing support for relational and emotional wellness Licensed MFT Feeling depressed or angry? Having difficulty with work?Wanting individual, marriage or couple counseling?Feeling confused or frightened about thoughts or emotions?Need someone to be supportive non-judgmental? Dealing with a traumatic past? PTSD?Experiencing issues of grief and loss?Feeling overwhelmed by life?Desirous of a better sense of self; without shame and guilt?Isolating from others? Experiencing panic or anxiety attacks?Having trouble with stress, irritability, anxiety?Dealing with sudden changes in health, location or status? Have you recently been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder?Therapy to affirm, encourage and support you in your journey toward self-discovery, integration, stability, well-being, empowerment and success. Attachment Psychotherapy psychodynamic Cognitive behavioral Counseling counselor counseling,therapy, Eclectic, emotional, relational, Marriage, Family,coping, PreMarried, InterCultural, Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Anger, Stress, PTSD,  Trauma, Bipolar, Employment, Change of Life, Death and Dying, Adjustment, compassion, feeling, couples, psychotherapy, empower, mental, behavioral, healing, wellness, health, acceptance, self, image, esteem, worth

 

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Nick Vetter Counseling, Therapy, and life Coaching
9659 Balboa Blvd.
Northridge, , CA 91324
United States

ph: 818-835-0779

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